Honestly, this arrogant First Lady! She’s almost as bad as her husband, who seems to think just because he got elected that he should have some kind of a say in how the country gets run! Who are these people? As if the blatant liberal power-grab weren’t bad enough, Michelle Obama is now encouraging—yes, that’s right, encouraging!—schools to offer salad bars and children to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables.
Well, Mrs. Obama, don’t think you can seduce the children of America with your sweet, crunchy, juicy, tangy vegetables and fruits. No, thank you. Greasy pizza covered with a cheese-like food product and nuclear tacos did just fine for Grandma and Grandpa, and they’ll do just fine for our kids. Bad food made this country great!
I could wax more indignant, but I don’t have to because Fox News, in one of their website editorials, did it much better. Here’s their opening paragraph:
“First the White House lectured you on sugar. Then they tried to motivate you to plant an organic vegetable garden. Now they want to shove leafy greens down your kids’ throat.”
“Shove leafy greens down you kids’ (sic) throat;” that’s a little violent, isn’t it? Hey, Fox, what’s your beef with lettuce anyway?
Oh, but there’s more reason to fear the lettuce. Fox discloses that in a report done by the USDA, some schools have safety fears about salad bars because of the spread of germs. And they have a point. No germ could survive on the surface of one of those greasy fake-food pizzas. And the USDA recommends that schools have nutrition staff who talk to children about minimum requirements, “No, Sparkle, one lettuce leaf and six cubes of Jell-o doesn’t make one serving of vegetables. That’s called dessert.”
That pesky USDA—doing its job and presenting a detailed, rounded evaluation of the proposed program, acknowledging issues that were raised in informant conversations or from surveys. How dare they?
There’s a bigger question, of course: Is this the best Fox has got? Really? There’s the SMART treaty; there’s a possible extension of unemployment benefits, and there’s the military appropriations bill with the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. And Fox picks on. . . lettuce? Well, I suppose that in the depths of its shriveled soul Fox News understands that shouting, “More Nukes, More Nukes!” or cackling gleefully as more families slide into poverty, or celebrating discrimination and bigotry is, even by their ephemeral standards, unseemly.
And besides, lettuce is a vegetable. It can’t fight back.