The Comeback Girl

Al hail to you, Sarah Palin, limelight-hugging Queen of the Kodiak! 

They said they had “Palin fatigue.”  They said you weren’t news.  They said they could ignore you. 

Would you stand still for that?  No!  You showed them. 

First of all, you wore that 1980’s vintage silvery Dancin’ Queen roller-disco jacket and those big eyelashes a la Tammy Faye Baker.  Awesome! 

You had us there.  They blogs would have gyrated for days:  “What was she wearing?  Was that her hair?”  You could have stopped—but oh, no.  Not you, not there, not when there was so much more to be achieved. You gave a critique of the State of the Union address. 

Yes, Sarah, it was a “Win The Future” moment, even if you did only use the initials. 

You said, “Well, speaking of last night, that was a tough speech to sit through and kind of try to stomach. . .” 

I know!  His speeches are hard to sit through because you can’t surf or play a game on your hand-held.  He actually makes points and you have to pay attention.  It can make your head hurt.  

But then you got to the “Sputnik moment,” or, as you’d prefer, the “Spudnuts moment.”  Oh, my gosh.  From the second sentence (or maybe it was the first—you do kinda talk in run-ons) when you used “aspire” instead of “inspire,”  to “inevitable” instead of “eventual,” (because if it were inevitable, then Sputnik couldn’t have caused it, because it would have been. . . inevitable. . . See how well you did that?) you launched a tour-de-force flight of fact-free, wrong-worded, incoherent fancy that nearly reached stratospheric levels. (Get one of your kids to Google “stratosphere” so you’ll know that I thought you were really, really high.) 

But it was the Spudnuts Bakery riff that gets you a seat in the Baffling Celebrity Hall of Fame.  

The audacity!  To pick the first website that did come up in Google after you misspelled Sputnik (what other explanation can there be?) and quote the website verbatim;—that means “word for word”—to choose as your local main street family business example a franchise that is both 1) global and 2) shriveling, from 200 stores to 35 in the US; to once again argue with the President by picking a story that supports many of his points . . .woman, you are freakin’ brilliant.  And to top it all off, they make potato-flour doughnuts. 

Potato-flour doughnuts. 

What a stroke of sheer strategic genius! 

Potato doughnuts.  How could we not talk about you? 

I kowtow to your awesomeness (have the kids Google “kowtow definition.”  Note; it’s not about cows.) 

President Obama, and the American people, will win the future, but you certainly won the moment.

Not talk about you?  Not talk about you?  How could we never?