The Invisible Hotel

The highlight, the hidden gem as it were, of downtown Sebastopol these days surely must be our Invisible Hotel. In 1994, Alex Baldwin starred in a movie called The Shadow, based on the radio play series of the same name. The movie featured an invisible hotel. If I remember rightly, a grand hotel had been demolished and the lot now stood empty, only it really didn’t. The place had never been taken down, it was merely hidden from the eyes and minds of most people by the mind control of the devious villain, who used it as his supervillain lair.

I don’t know why the city of Sebastopol chose to emulate this feature, but it, and Piazza Hospitality Corporation, surely have.

I mean, look at that photo. You wouldn’t think a hotel was there, would you?

The crows are not fooled by the invisibility. They routinely fly down into the hotel’s invisible courtyard, waiting for the invisible guests who are sipping their invisible gourmet coffee to toss them scraps of invisible brioche and invisible croissants. They come back at lunch to get bits of the invisible specialty sandwiches or invisible avocado toast. (Crows aren’t big on invisible organic-greens salads, at which I hear the hotel kitchen excels.)

I’ve heard that the invisible rooms are beautifully appointed in a craftsman style, with invisible flatscreen TVs that cover one complete wall. The invisible parquet hallways smell faintly of nutmeg. The invisible fitness room has the latest equipment, a spa and an invisible lap pool that embraces you in warm invisible water scented not with chlorine but with roses. The invisible bar/tasting room prides itself on serving the finest Sonoma County wines during its “wine and bites” tasting from 4:30 to 7:00 each evening. While all of the rooms have wifi, because you can’t not offer wifi these days, the hotel offers a well-appointed invisible business center as well.

I’m told that there is no sight more lovely than an early spring sunset viewed from the invisible rooftop garden, surrounded by the bouquet of the invisible kitchen herbs and the invisible early-blooming flowers.

The Invisible Hotel’s concierge service and valet parking are impeccable; the concierge can get you anything from a two-hundred-year-old bottle of port to reservations for glamping on the Sonoma Coast.

One complaint has been registered; the artists who rented invisible Maker Space/studios within the Invisible Hotel have been disappointed by the amount of customer traffic they’ve experienced… none. Some are talking about banding together to break their leases.

Nothing is perfect, after all.

I’d recommend you come stay at our beautiful downtown Invisible Hotel. You won’t find it on the internet. You won’t find a phone number for it. The Chamber of Commerce can point you to its address. Good luck finding the lobby and the registration desk. When I say it’s a hidden gem, I’m not joking.