Interstate 5 South

April 22, 2011 (Earth Day!)

The Washington State stretch of I-5 has the bossiest highway signs ever. 

There are the usual; CLICK IT OR TICKET, and LITTER AND IT WILL HURT. (Yeah, it will—they fine up to $6,250 for littering.)  Then there are variations on the themes; like the baffling, “Seat belts must be worn day and night.”  Even when I’m sleeping? Oh, you mean in the car.  Well, I didn’t think the laws of physics only worked the day shift. 

Then there was, DON’T PICK UP HITCH-HIKERS. 

I was waiting for, EAT YOUR VEGETABLES OR THERE’S NO DESSERT FOR YOU.

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Speaking of fines and signs; failure to use a safety device that will, in an accident, prevent you and/or your passenger from hurtling through the windshield and dying; that’s a $97 fine.  Tossing your crumpled Kwik-Gulp coffee cup out the window could be a $6,250 fine.  Um, priorities, people?

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29 days until Judgment Day!  I know this because the Family Radio people bought space on one of those new-fangled electronic billboards outside Salem, Oregon—and they splurged and added a countdown clock.  They say the Rapture starts May 21, 2011.

If the world were really going to end in 29 days, really end, and you couldn’t stop it or survive it (insert personal catastrophe of your choice here) what would you do?  Would you quit your job?  Find the biggest, wildest 29-day-party and join in?  Book trips to all the places in the world you had always wanted to see?  Re-connect with family and old friends?  

May 21 isn’t the end of the world, though, it’s the Rapture.  After that, seven really bad years, Antichrist and everything.  Then the world ends.

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Farther south in Oregon I saw another billboard, the old fashioned paper kind, that read, “Saturday is the true Sabbath.”  It cited the book of Daniel.  “It Was Changed by the AntiChrist!”  Wait–the Antichrist has already been here?  But Judgment Day isn’t until May 21!  I’m very confused.

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WAKE UP, AMERICA!  This is a private A-frame sign in a pasture south of the town of Riddle.  I think it was a political message, but I had been driving for five hours and was a little drowsy.  I appreciated the blue-and-red lettered wake-up call.

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The Oregon Lottery is up to $17 million, and Powerball is up to $42.  On the same billboard, underneath the glowing electronic numbers; “Playing Lottery is Not an Advisable Investment Strategy.”  Really, Oregon?  Are you going to tell me to eat my vegetables too?